Confrontation at Ostagar
by FenZev
Summary: Loghain and Alistair both return to Ostagar to face the demons of their past. Will these two finally be able to move on from the events of that dark day? Or will coming face to face with the reality of what happened be too much, and end in their final confrontation? A short story AU re-telling of Return to Ostagar.
1. The Decision

_**A/N: I was inspired by sn0w0wl to replay Origins and recruit Loghain thanks to her fic Solace Amidst the Chaos. As I took Loghain to Ostagar, I wondered what the interactions would've been like if he and Alistair both had gone to face their past. What was going to be a one-shot, I decided to break it up into a few small chapters. Hope you enjoy this AU telling of the DLC Return to Ostagar (to include spoilers, obviously).**_

* * *

"Forgive me for saying so, my dear Warden," Zevran began, "but I do believe you've gone completely mad."

Elyse Cousland nodded, a little too much as Zevran scolded her for moving while he was braiding her hair. She leaned into him, allowing her back to rest on his chest, and his hands left her dark locks to settle over her shoulders. "Mad indeed," she agreed with a sigh. "But someone has to make the tough decisions, and it seems everyone has been satisfied with me doing so."

"This is not a decision you needed to make," he reminded her. "Is it not enough that they have yet to kill each other?"

"They need to forgive each other," Elyse whispered. "Neither one of them can move on from this unless they confront it head on, together."

Now it was Zevran's turn to sigh. "You are too kind for your own good," he said, lowering his head to nuzzle her ear. "Part of the reason why I adore you. Still, they are more likely to kill each other than come to any understanding. You are a fool to think otherwise."

Elyse turned her head to meet his lips with hers, enjoying the quiet moment before she announced her intentions. "I must be, I'm with you aren't I?"

Zevran pulled back, mocking a wounded expression. "Bested again," he said with a frown. "I know, you are only using me for my body."

"And your skills in its use," Elyse said, crawling on her knees toward him for another kiss.

Zevran willingly caved to her advance, but then reluctantly pulled away. "We mustn't start something we can not finish," he said. "They are waiting."

"I know." For the hundredth time that day, Elyse wondered if she was doing the right thing. The next few minutes would at least tell her how the others felt about her decision, and she quietly braced herself for their reactions.

**.*~*~*.**

"Absolutely not!" Alistair protested, glaring at Elyse. "You can not do this, you can not ask this of me. Not after everything that man has done!" he said, pointing at Loghain.

"What I have done is what I have always done," Loghain stated. "Whatever was necessary for the good of Ferelden."

Alistair continued to shake his head. "No, there is no way. Against everything I believed in, I remained with you after you allowed him to join the Wardens. But this, this is too much."

"Alistair…" Elyse tried, but he wasn't listening.

"He killed Cailan. Duncan! And you ask that I return to Ostagar with him?" Alistair began to pace, fuming in his own anger. "So he can what, point out yet again all the reasons why their deaths meant nothing, because it was 'for the good of Ferelden?'" he asked in a mocking tone.

Elyse was surprised, and thankful, that Loghain stood his ground against yet another round of these accusations from Alistair, and remained silent while the soon-to-be king lashed out at him. "Elric insisted we retrieve those documents from the King's chest," she reminded him. "We _have_ to go back."

"_We_ don't have to do anything," Alistair said. "Take your new recruit and your assassin, and leave me out of it."

"If the boy does not wish to go, then so be it," Loghain said, breaking his silence. "We'll probably be better off without his tantrums while facing the darkspawn anyhow."

Alistair marched up to Loghain, coming within inches of the Hero of River Dane. "You know nothing about darkspawn," he spat. "You ran, remember? Tucked tail and left the rest of us to fight for our lives! Then you continued to hound us, sent assassins after us, never giving us a moment of peace. So yes, I am having a tantrum, from the months of torment you put us through!"

"Your fellow Warden doesn't seem to mind the assassin I sent," Loghain pointed out. "And don't pretend to care at all for Cailan, the brother who had everything you did not. We both know you aren't mourning his loss nearly as much as you claim. You'll soon have his title, and his wife. Rather convenient, his death was for you, from where I'm standing."

Elyse moved to intervene, seeing Alistair's fist clench in preparation for a swing. Pushing him slightly out of the way so she could stand between them, she tried to justify her decision. "You need to go to face your grief," Elyse said to Alistair, jabbing her finger into his chest. "You say you've moved on from it, but clearly you have not. And you," she turned to Loghain, "have more guilt inside you than I do for leaving my family behind. You can keep claiming it was for the good of Ferelden, but I know in your heart you regret leaving Maric's son to die. So let's all calm down and stop repeating the same stupid arguments of a history we can not change."

"I have forgiven you for making me king, and forcing me to marry Anora, that bastard's daughter," Alistair whispered. "I have even forgiven you for allowing _him_ to go through the Joining. But I can not forgive you if you make me do this. I can't do it. I _won't_ do it."

She opened her mouth to reply, but Alistair had already turned his back on her and was walking away. "Let him go," Loghain muttered behind her. "He's clearly not ready to face what you ask of him."

Elyse turned to look at Loghain. "Are you? Willing to face the consequences of your actions?"

Loghain rubbed his stubbled chin, as if feeling the intended blow from Alistair. "I believe whatever Cailan may have stashed in that chest is important enough to return for," he said, "especially if it has to do with the Orlesians. As for witnessing what remains of Ostagar after my men and I retreated, I assure you Warden, I face it every night in my dreams."

"Good," she said with a shrug. "Then you won't mind facing it once more. We leave tomorrow, and Alistair _will_ be joining us."


	2. Convincing Alistair

Elyse approached Alistair as if he were a frightened animal, ready to bolt at any moment. He was kneeling down along the riverbed, no doubt covering his trousers with mud, but with the mood he was in, she doubted he cared. When she stepped on a twig, the snapping sound was immediately followed with his back stiffening, but she was thankful he didn't run.

"Can we talk?" she asked quietly, sitting beside him without waiting for an answer. "Or I could talk, and you could maybe listen?"

"That's what you do best, isn't it?" his angered reply came. "Convince us we are an unstoppable force, ready to take down an Archdemon? Coerce an assassin sent to kill you into loving you? Somehow manipulate a man who knows nothing of leadership to become a king?"

"You give me too much credit. The assassin did that all on his own," Elyse joked, hoping to lighten the mood. When she saw it did not have the desired effect, she tried a different approach. "I had hoped all of my convincing, coercing, manipulating as you call it, would be seen for what it truly was: someone who cares about all of you, and who would do anything to see you all happy."

Alistair shook his head. "I get it, the king thing, really I do. It took me awhile, but I even get that marrying Anora is for the best. I don't know what I'm doing, and she's had years of experience beside Cailan. But there is no good, no happiness, to be found at Ostagar. And that traitor and I will never see eye to eye, no matter what you say."

Elyse brought her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs. The night air was certainly chilly, or maybe it was the company. "I want to go back to Highever," she told him. "When this is all over, I need to go back, face what was done to my family. Do you think that will be easy for me? I know what I'm asking of you."

"You aren't returning to your family's estate with Rendon Howe," Alistair said coldly. "Nor are you being asked to get along with him while you do it."

His words stung with truth, but she tried not to show just how much. "You're right," Elyse acknowledged. "But Howe isn't here trying to make amends for his actions. And while Loghain still believes what he did was right, I know he also carries a lot of guilt for what he's done. Allowing his best friend's son to perish, along with countless others including Duncan, that has to be taking a toll on his heart."

"Good," Alistair spat. "He should be dead for his crimes, not be allowed to go and witness his handy work. And he never should've been allowed to go through the Joining. That man is a disgrace to the Wardens."

Elyse struggled to maintain her composure at his stubbornness. "What do you care? You claim to be leaving the Wardens, remember? Which leaves Riordan and I to take that final blow, when the time comes. I have a fifty-fifty chance of dying very soon Alistair, so forgive me if I'm okay with the odds bending a little in my favor. Even before I decided to save Loghain, you were never going to get near the Archdemon, Riordan and I had already agreed to it."

Alistair turned to face her, his expression dark and full of anger. "Just like Duncan, deciding my fate without any concern for my feelings."

"Duncan saved you at Ostagar. Saved me. Whether you can say the words aloud or not, he gave his life so that you could live. I agreed to do the same, so he did not die in vain."

"Why do you care?" Alistair asked. "Why is this so important to you? I can't understand why you defend Loghain over me, someone who has travelled with you these past few months, known you to be a friend. I don't get it."

"Because I'm scared," Elyse admitted before realizing the words had left her. "Loghain...his actions...I could've done the same thing."

Alistair shook his head. "Are you crazy? There's no way you would leave innocents to die, you are nothing like that monster."

"I very well could be," Elyse said, continuing to stare straight ahead over the lake. "When you and I went to Lothering, and were attacked by those farmers, did you know that they were the first humans I had ever killed? They were innocent, only seeking a way to make some coin to save their families, and we killed them."

"We had no choice," Alistair said, softening the tone of his voice. "They attacked us, what were we supposed to do, let them kill us?"

Elyse shrugged. "No. I don't know. It's just…seeing them lay in the grass, bleeding, lifeless eyes staring up at me…I dreamt about them often after that. I hadn't killed a thing before leaving Highever, not even a chicken. Now here I was killing darkspawn to defend us, which I understood, but those farmers were no real threat, where they? And then the bandits on the road. And the cultists protecting what they thought was Andraste. And the dwarves, standing up for the king they believed in that just happened to disagree with our choice of king. How high is our body count Alistair? Who were we to make that decision to end their lives?"

"We did what we had to," Alistair tried to reassure her. "No, it wasn't ideal, but to gather the armies we needed against this Blight, we had to."

"Kill a handful then to save the country now?" Elyse asked.

Alistair nodded. "It would appear so."

She turned to meet his gaze. "So then I ask you this: how are our actions any different than Loghain's? He felt in his heart that there would be no winning that battle. He fled, sacrificing a handful to keep his army for the larger battle."

"It's not the same…" Alistair began.

"But it is," Elyse interrupted. "It only feels different because you lost people you care about. Would those farmers families understand our actions? The dwarves' families? Would they understand we did what we had to do for the greater good? Or would they be just as upset as you are?"

"It's not the same," Alistair said again, though he was starting to see her point.

"I need you with us in Ostagar," Elyse continued, seeing resolve in his eyes. "I know you say you are leaving the Wardens, but it's just us until this war is over. I don't completely trust Loghain either, but I trust you. There's no doubt that place is still crawling with darkspawn, and we stand a better chance with the three of us. We need to find out what was in that chest… Riordan and Eamon would not have agreed to this side trip before the battle if they didn't think it was important as well. Forget about doing it with Loghain. I'm asking you to do it for me."

Alistair watched as she stood, and remained silent as Elyse walked away toward camp. The very thought of fighting alongside Loghain disgusted him, but he couldn't help the realization that her words were true. Loghain did abandon all those at Ostagar, but they too had made some questionable choices, and had yet to discover the outcome. Facing Ostagar would be a way for Loghain to see the consequences of his actions. And as King, Alistair knew that one day, he would have to face the consequences of his own.


	3. War Council

The camp was silent as preparations were being made for the trip to Ostagar. Elyse observed Alistair packing a few items for the venture; though he hadn't come out and said he was going, she knew he had changed his mind when he began sharpening his sword the night before. She considered thanking him for his decision, but Zevran convinced her otherwise.

"Sometimes my dear, silence is best in these situations," he reminded her. "Though I can not be silent about your decision to leave me behind. If my place is by your side, remaining here makes that prospect a tad difficult."

Elyse smiled warmly at his concern. "I know you don't agree with me," she acknowledged. "But this is the highest concentration of darkspawn we have faced since Orzammar. You barely scraped by untainted in the Deep Roads, and I will not take that risk again."

"Your faith in my skill is overwhelming," Zevran said sarcastically as he handed her his stash of poison-filled vials.

"With the three of us there I need you here Zev," Elyse told him. "Someone I trust to protect the others. Sten is a valiant warrior but I can't tell from one minute to the next if Oghren is sober enough to hold his own weapon. I need to know the rest of you are safe while I do this, and I place my faith in your skill to do just that."

Zevran took her hand and kissed it. "As you wish, my dear Warden. But I expect you back in one piece, and I shall inspect every inch of you to assure myself it is so."

Elyse kissed him lightly. "I look forward to our reunion then," she said as she slung her pack over her shoulder. She glanced over at Loghain who stood tall, leaning against a tree, his arms folded across his chest in a stance of impatience. She nodded slightly and he retrieved the pack at his feet, his expression thankful to finally be underway.

"We ready to go?" Elyse asked to no one in particular, and expected no response. Alistair approached and then stood beside her, silent but ready. Her mabari released his howl of protest at being left behind, and Loghain moved toward the road without them. Elyse stifled the sigh she nearly allowed to escape, trying to keep as positive an attitude as possible before the day's events.

Elyse hadn't noticed it before, but Wynne had also prepared her things. "The events at Ostagar still haunt my thoughts Warden. If that is where you are headed, I would like to accompany you."

"Oh Wynne, I'm sorry, but…"

The mage cut her off. "Three stubborn Wardens trekking off to confront a horde of darkspawn alone just days before a battle on the archdemon is foolish and reckless. You will require healing, and therefore need me with you."

Elyse looked toward Alistair, who seemed to have no opinion on the matter. She made eye contact with Loghain, who gave her no more than a shrug. "Alright then, who am I to argue with logic? Just remember we have no idea what we're walking into, stay as far away from the fighting as you can."

Leliana and Zevran watched as the party departed, disappearing down the long road to Ostagar. "Do you think they'll kill each other?" Leliana asked, a worried expression reaching her eyes.

"Either that or they'll take their aggressions out on the darkspawn," Zevran replied. "Either way, problem solved, no?"

**.*~*~*.**

Elyse was thankful for the extra layer of clothing she had decided on as the snow began to fall, making the area feel even more desolate than she could've imagined. Her companions remained silent through the journey, for which she was also thankful - the last thing she wished to do was get in the middle of another argument.

The last time she had walked down this road was with Duncan, still mourning the loss of her family, her home, and terrified of what the future would hold for her. Elyse imagined that the others were facing their own memories: Alistair arriving with Duncan, Loghain and his army escorting Cailan, and Wynne with the other mages, watched by Templars for any sign of escape. They had all come to be in this place from different circumstances, and now they returned with the same goal: get the documents Cailan had left behind, and if they were lucky, find some peace within themselves.

"I was a different person last time I was here," Alistair whispered, breaking the silence. "I believed him, Cailan, that it would be a glorious battle that we would win."

"I believed him too," Wynne added. "Though we were all a bit different then, younger, perhaps even a little innocent."

Loghain scoffed at the two, but focused his venomous words toward Alistair. "I can't tell if it's stupidity that runs in the Therein bloodline, or your unrealistic idealizing of a King and brother you never knew," he said.

"And never will know, thanks to you," Alistair said, biting his tongue from continuing.

Elyse shook her head as she began to wonder if this was a bad idea. _Too late now_, she thought, as she met up with Loghain who had stopped walking.

"What is that?" he asked, a pained expression on his face.

"You're sensing darkspawn," Elyse informed him. "An odd sensation at first, but you get used to it." She closed her eyes briefly to focus on what she too was feeling. The darkspawn were still in the area, that much was certain, and there were a lot of them. Slowly she opened her eyes again, allowing them to adjust to the blinding daylight glistening off the snow. "We ready? They aren't far."

Alistair nodded as he withdrew his weapon, and the group moved forward. The crunch of their boots on the freshly fallen snow did little to help mask their approach, but the darkspawn were as aware of their presence as they were of them. Within a matter of seconds, the foul creatures were upon them, and the fighting began.

The hurlocks attacked first, and Elyse and Alistair met their blows with ease. Having fought alongside each other gave them the advantage, as they anticipated each others moves and counteracted the darkspawn's. Loghain fought on his own, shielded by Wynne and assaulting several shrieks that came from beneath the ground. When the hurlocks were finished off, Elyse assisted Loghain in his fight. One of the shrieks attempted to overwhelm him, pinning him to the ground, but Elyse stuck her blade in its back, ending the assault. She extended her hand to help Loghain back to his feet as he brushed the darkspawn ichor from the front of his armor. "Charming creatures," he said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Elyse replied, glaring at Alistair who hadn't bothered to assist Loghain. "But we're not done yet, I sense more of them around that corner."

The group charged forward, clearing out more darkspawn that came out from behind a row of several tall pillars. Elyse decided to give Alistair a taste of his own stubbornness, leaving him to battle alone while she fought beside Loghain. Wynne was instrumental in keeping the man protected, assisting with her magic and healing small scrapes as necessary. It wasn't until the fighting had stopped that Elyse noticed Loghain bent on one knee, leaning over a large turned-over table.

"Are you injured?" she asked, searching for gashes in his armor.

"No," Loghain replied, running his hand along the edges of the wood. "Do you know what this is?"

Elyse could see it was a table, what was visible anyway as it was half buried in snow. But as she studied the pillars, and turned around to get her bearings, it came to her. "The war council table," she said, seeing the guilt in his eyes for the first time.

"A meeting I wasn't privy to, thanks to Duncan," Alistair said, as jealous and childish as he had the night of that council meeting. "I'll leave you two to reminisce, check the corpses for anything we can use."

"I'll join you," Wynne said, leaving Loghain and Elyse alone.

"Such a stubborn fool," Loghain muttered, referring to Cailan that night.

Elyse knelt in front of him. "I remember. You and he arguing over waiting for the Orlesians, and his decision to stand by the Wardens in the assault. I have to admit, it was a bit awkward for me, watching the two of you go at each other. You had strong, solid ideas, but you're right. Cailan was stubborn, and a bit of a child in many ways."

"Don't let your friend hear you say that," Loghain warned.

Elyse smiled. "In truth, I half expected Cailan to stomp his feet like one having a fit, the way he kept saying that he's the king, as if you didn't know. Too bad he didn't learn to listen to his advisors."

"Cailan was much like his father that way," Loghain stated. "But he wouldn't hear logic, he wanted to play the hero. His fascinations with glory and legends... I warned him it would be his undoing."

Elyse made sure Alistair was out of earshot before asking her next question. "Loghain, if I may ask you something?"

"Like I could stop you?" he said, though not unkindly.

"Cailan knew, didn't he, about Alistair?"

Loghain nodded. "Picked up on that, did you? Yes, he knew. I don't know if he was envious that the boy was a Warden and he couldn't become one, but yes, that was the reason he sent Alistair to light the beacon instead of my men. I'm not certain how he figured it out though, if it was when Alistair arrived at camp or if Duncan told him, but he knew."

"Alistair should know," Elyse said. "He's always blamed Duncan for sending him away from battle, even after Duncan told him it was Cailan's decision."

"What good would that do?" Loghain asked. "Reopening old wounds is pointless."

"Not if it means knowing his brother cared about him, even if he couldn't show it for political reasons," Elyse told him. "He's lived with that anger toward Duncan all this time, an anger Duncan's memory doesn't deserve. It could be turned into a fonder memory of his brother watching out for him."

Loghain stood, brushing the snow off his legs. "I see no reason for it, but if you believe it's best than you do it. I doubt he'd listen to me anyhow."

Elyse looked over at Alistair, who was bent over a darkspawn corpse, Wynnes hand on his shoulder. They seemed to be having a moment of their own, one she didn't wish to interrupt. Alistair deserved to know the truth, of that she was certain, but perhaps now wasn't the best time.


End file.
